


shadows devour my sins (and thoughts of you consume me)

by maraudersourwolf



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Dom/sub Undertones, Emotional Baggage, Extremely Dubious Consent, Friends to Enemies, Love/Hate, M/M, Masturbation Interruptus, Porn with Feelings, Sexual Content, Smut, The Author Regrets Everything, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:15:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25655746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maraudersourwolf/pseuds/maraudersourwolf
Summary: Shen knows he should stop. There’s nothing honorific nor prideful in what he’s doing.But the pleasure he’s feeling… he can’t abandon it.
Relationships: Shen/Zed (League of Legends)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 59





	shadows devour my sins (and thoughts of you consume me)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SparkyLulu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparkyLulu/gifts).



> Happy friend's day, Lulu ✨  
> 
> 
> Smut, am I right?  
> I hate writing smut, so you can pretty much guess how this is going to go.  
> The whole excuse of this is that I don't really know if there's an excuse at all.  
> This whole fic was supposed to be a damn joke but I played myself and took it too seriously.  
> And now here I am.  
> 
> 
> I guess I can't see them dealing with emotions in the proper way.  
> Maybe I took the whole light/dark deal too far, who knows.  
> And I know.  
> Shen's swords are shaped funny at the handle and that, if you look at them, it sounds against nature to get frisky with them, but listen.  
> There's a thing called creative freedom and I took it by the horns and made it my bitch.  
> So there's that.  
> 
> 
> You are the one who clicked here, so I'm free of guilt.
> 
> Barely beta'd.  
> Enjoy nonetheless.

His father, the great Master Kusho, would say it was wrong. How  _ very wrong _ it was. A weapon should be used with respect for the destiny it wields. A kinkou should know that, more than anyone. But a weapon is an extension of oneself, like an arm or a leg. Or something else.

But he’s not here anymore to judge or chastise him.

Shen knows he should stop. There’s nothing honorific nor prideful in what he’s doing. But the pleasure he’s feeling… he can’t abandon it.

A broken moan falls from his lips at the same moment that he pushes his knees further apart a bit more, pressing his chest over the mat covering the dojo’s floor. Shen feels dirty, but he can’t yet discover if it’s because of the dojo’s dirty floor or if it’s because of what he’s doing in front of the training mirror, disrespecting the sacracy of the place.

Outside is dark, the high hours of the night taking place. The darkness has covered every corner of the place and that is the only reason why he feels safe to do this in such an open and semi public space. Anyone could easily walk in on him doing this but he’s safe to assume that everyone should already be asleep, recovering their energies for the morning training at the early hours of the day and be ready for keeping the balance in the universe, like Master Kusho repeated so many times until it got ingrained into their brains.

This time a soft cry of pleasure bubbles from deep within his throat and Shen flushes slightly, knowing that the least he could do was feeling shame. Embarrassment of what he’s doing with such a precious weapon that his father yielded and guarded for so long. 

But he doesn’t really care.

In the mirror’s reflection, there’s his own silhouette. His uncovered legs, the hair on them barely visible in the darkness. His pants are bunched under his knees, working as support over the mat on the monastery’s floor. His face barely visible on his reflection, peeking from in between the shadows as Shen bends the upper part of his body slightly to the side to be able to see himself. See the sin he fell upon and that he enjoys so much, watching the droplets of the oil he’s using to lubricate himself freely running down the inner side of his thighs to his knees just to disappear into his clothes. 

One of his feet is working as support of the blade, while the other locks over it as a form of safety hook. Shen knows that what he is doing is insane, but the drag of the handle and the way the pommel presses deep inside him each time he moves his hips is maddening. He can see his rim stretched around the grip of the sword, clenching desperately the more he amps his pace and finds a rhythm that promises climax.

Just a bit more, just a bit--

“So this is what the Eye of Twilight does in his spare time,” a low raspy voice hums from the darkness.

One of Shen’s hand scratches over the mat before turning into a tight fist. From all of the people who could have found him. From all the people that could have frustrated his reach for climax. 

“You’re not welcome here anymore,” Shen croaks out, stilling his hips yet still not looking up. He doesn’t need to. He can see through the mirror the glowing red eyes fixed on his body from the darkest corner of the dojo.

“I don’t think you’re in a position to tell me what to do,” Zed replies, amusement laced on his voice. A couple of steps echo over the mat of the dojo and then Zed’s body takes shape, no longer a disembodied set of glowing eyes in the dark. 

Shen knows he should be worried. He’s in disadvantage, almost naked and completely vulnerable, while Zed is dressed in his new garment for battle. Yet there’s something on the shadow ninja’s gaze that goes stray from the usual anger and thirst for blood that Shen came to recognize the last few times they crossed path. Something that caresses the lines of his body unashamedly and that makes goosebumps bloom over Shen’s skin.

“Seems like you have things under control already,” Zed purrs, stopping right in front of Shen’s body. “Getting  _ used _ to this new freedom you have, having no one to chastise your sinful actions”

Prideful as always, Shen turns his head ready to face Zed; looking at his once best friend and now enemy through the reflection of a mirror feels like a coward move. His chin soon feels the sharp and cold surface of Zed’s armor but before he can shake his head away, Zed is lifting the tip of his foot and with it Shen’s face.

“Were you hoping to not be seen?,” Zed asks and his voice, deep and gruff, sends shivers down Shen’s spine. He clenches his teeth in frustration as his body reacts to it in a more welcoming way, clenching around the grip of the sword that’s still deeply nested inside of him. Zed seems to read his thoughts as he chuckles darkly, moment in which Shen decides to act tougher than he feels and shake his head away. “I reign in the shadows, there’s nothing that can be hidden from me”

Shen tries to get up, pushing his upper body up with help of his arms and letting go of the grip he had on the blade with his feet. He’s starting to push off the floor, letting the handle of the sword slip out when the sole of Zed’s feet presses over the curve of his shoulder suddenly and pushes Shen’s body back onto it, causing a whimper fall from the kinkou’s lips and stopping his only attempt to get up, feeling powerless for a moment.

“Where’s that balance your people preach so much about?,” Zed mutters, pushing Shen’s body back onto the handle until his cheeks caress the guard of the sword, “So much freedom with no restriction. So much pleasure without pain” 

Shen’s feet wrap themselves around the scabbard on their own accord much like before, a fake semblance of having things under control when that’s clearly not the case. Zed’s advantage is something he can’t turn a blind eye to. He could fight, but between his clothes haphazardly tangled around his limbs and the intrusion of the swords handle deep inside him, he’s just prone of making things worse for himself.

There’s no other choice but to wait and see.

“You should exorcise your demons, kinkou,” Zed taunts. The stupid mask is still in place but he can hear perfectly the way the amusement wraps around Zed’s voice. Shen doesn’t need it gone anyways; just a metal piece to help him detach from the memory of the person he used to know.

“You’re my biggest demon,” Shen growls, not taking his gaze away this time. That seems to be exactly what Zed wanted, as he slowly takes the mask away and lets the little light inside the dojo illuminate his features for Shen to see. The one that turned his back to the temple and their beliefs. The one that killed his father. His sworn enemy.

The person he cared for the most. 

“Compliments aren’t going to take you far” 

Zed’s white hair shines in contrast with his, that seems to absorb the shadows. Shen tries not to think about that as Zed barely if bends down to grab his hair and pull up tightly, making him hiss as he arches his back, only for the sword’s handle to push a bit deeper.

“What is it? No fight this time?,” Zed mocks but soon his gaze moves from Shen’s own to the kinkou’s thighs that are trembling with the exertion of keeping still and manage the intrusion as best he can. “Or is your focus somewhere else, Shen?”

The way his name falls easily from Zed’s lips takes Shen’s breath away for a moment, mouth slightly agape as his cock twitches with interest. It’s the same teasing tone he would use when they were younger, when things hadn’t gotten out of their control. When Zed could still be called  _ his _ \- his partner, his best friend. The line between the Zed he knew and the master of the shadows is quickly turning blurry in his brain with the fog of surprise ebbed with pleasure and Zed seems to know, shifting his gaze back to Shen’s own and smirking like the asshole he is. 

Of course he knows. This is what Zed does, what he’s always done. He plays with his food, ties the strings of a masterplan and then sits to watch the puppets develop his show. And that’s exactly how Shen feels, how he’s felt since Zed gave them their back in treason. Like nothing more than a puppet.

“I’m not interrupting you, aren’t I?,” Zed mocks, quickly pulling one of his blades out of its hiding place and pressing it against Shen’s throat. “You can’t keep going, I know how important focus is for a kinkou’s training”

He could fight, Shen tries to convince himself again. He’s stronger than Zed and quicker. He could fight, get free and this wouldn’t be nothing but an embarrassing memory. He’s the master of the kinkous now, the Eye of Twilight. The one who sees it all - every possibility, every strategy, every exit.

One of his hands moves quickly to pick the short blade from Zed’s own hand, ready to use it as his escape weapon. He barely manages to pull it out of the shadow ninja’s grip, but not enough to stop Zed from put some distance between them and step over his hand, drowning Shen’s mind with dull pain and frustration at finding himself once again immobilized.

It seems that shadows can cloud even his gaze too.

"I know all of your tricks, I've been following you like a shadow since Master Kusho decided to make me your training toy,” Zed huffs unimpressed. Shen can hear him goad at such a rookie mistake like underestimate his enemy’s point of advantage.

After all, Zed knows all of what he is.

The same he knows all of Zed.

Zed’s foot presses harder over Shen’s hand, making the kinkou groan with pain and  _ something _ else. Something that makes the tip of his ears blush slightly in shame as his cock twitches with the new coursing adrenaline. Desperate to not want Zed to notice, his free hand grabs the shadow ninja’s ankle and is received with a chuckle. A reminder that he’s not a threat to Zed’s eyes, only a piece of entertainment.

“Seems like I found a weak spot, haven’t I?,” Zed purrs, pressing his foot harder down just to have Shen’s hand grip tighten around his ankle in a silent plea. “Perfect under the light, the image of discipline for everyone in this old temple, but you cannot lie to the shadows-- you’re as tainted as everyone else”

His grip on Zed ankle shifts intention, from trying to stop him to claw at the shadow ninja’s clothes with blunt fingernails. It’s the closest thing to begging he’s ever been. But begging for what? And why? It’s like his body is betraying his thoughts in more ways than he can discover. And the worst of it is that Shen knows that Zed knows too.

There’s a logic deeply rooted in his actions. Something that Shen has been nurturing for years in the very same shadows that now are his enemies. Something that he has managed to erase from his mind, but not from the muscle memory of his body.

“Wasn’t training about endurance?,” Zed tuts, his voice sounding solemn. Almost like a teacher with a student. The master of the shadows against a mere victim of them. “Where’s that competitive spirit of yours? Always trying to show off how strong you were, how much you could take those abusive trainings, how  _ you _ were better than  _ me _ ”

Maybe he deserves it.

Maybe he deserves to be in such a shameful condition in front of Zed’s very own eyes, after everything they went through. After always being the favorite. The top student. The pride of the kinkou monastery now on his knees, begging for something he cannot name nor understand but that knows only Zed can give him.

Is it freedom?

Or an end to a never ending nightmare?

“Shen--,” Zed’s rough voice comes with a command and Shen has to swallow down the whimper about to fall from his lips because it feels dirty and unwelcomed. “-- move your hips”

And just like that, Shen does.

Tentatively moving his hips, Shen feels the feeble drag of the sword’s handle as it slowly pulls out of him and then back inside once more. The oil from before is almost dry but he knows that complaining is out of question. Zed isn’t going to go easy on him, no matter how much he begs.

“To think you’d enjoy something like this,” Zed taunts and Shen stops for a moment with the burn of those words.  _ Something like this _ . Embarrassment is burning on his face, a retort at the tip of his tongue but before any word escapes from the prison of his lips, Zed’s foot moves aways from his hand and moves quickly on top of Shen’s head, slamming and then pressing the kinkou’s face over the ground and making him bite his own tongue with the force of it. 

“You fucking--,” Shen growls as he tries to get up, but gets subdued once more.

“Training is about endurance,” Zed mutters, words carrying more than just the petty revenge Shen convinced himself was the root of all of this. “Don’t you want to be trained, Shen? Take reign of your shadows instead of letting them take reign of you?”

The words coming out of Zed’s lips should make no sense, but Shen can feel them wrap around his brain and slowly take control of his thoughts. Doesn’t he want to take reign of his shadows? Of his demons? Of that obscure part of him that seems to have no limit and no restrain? 

He does, but--

Can he handle the cost?

As Zed talks, Shen’s body slowly relents and resumes the sinuous thrusts of his body towards the sword’s handle. Expectant at what’s to come, senses keen in his building pleasure but focused mostly on Zed. On the ninja’s breathing that seems collected for the untrained eye, but that Shen can hear it take a couple of seconds to control. The way the shadow ninja swallows slowly yet periodically, as if his mouth was watering. The pressure of Zed’s foot lessening the more Shen relents to the pleasure he feels, until it’s barely a point of contact and not a restraining movement.

Shen finds himself at loss.

How much of this is just another twisted game for Zed to control and how much of this is just blurring the line that divides them and letting go of inhibitions?

“Move your hips quicker,” Zed commands and Shen does as told, pushing past the shame of being seen doing such a shameful thing; a pleased sigh falling from his lips with it.

Closing his eyes for a moment, he just focuses on the pleasure he is feeling for a moment. The building warmth at the pit of his stomach, the way his cock twitches with every new drag of the sword’s handle pushing inside of him.

It takes him a moment to relent and open his eyes again, craning his neck as much at the pressure of Zed’s foot allows it to look back at the mirror. In it, he can see himself much like in the beginning - the image of debauchery as his rim swallows the handle of the sword over and over and over again with each new thrust of his hips. His face flushed as he pants, chasing the promise of climax once more, strands of hair sticking to his face under the pressure of Zed’s foot. 

Under the pressure of his gaze.

Shen can see the glowing red eyes fixed on him, on each one of his movements. Following each twitch of his muscles, each gasp falling from his lips. Assessing.  _ Enjoying. _

The kinkou’s gaze tries to follow down the line of Zed’s body, see that enjoyment turning physical. He wants to see if Zed feels like he does, heavy in between his legs. Leaking with the promise of more. Much more. But Zed’s foot presses harder over his head again, stopping the unconscious twist of his body to try to  _ see _ . He groans at the pressure on his temple and Zed chuckles, knowing he’s too gone to fight. 

Shen is there, on a silver plate, and Zed is only taking his time to feast on his soul.

“Stop,” Zed purrs.

One single word that seems to pop the bubble Shen had been not so long ago and  _ crave _ with real hunger. So close yet so far. His thighs twitching with the exertion of trying to keep themselves steady and not relent to keep thrusting his hips. His hard cock feels swollen and sensitive, drop after drop leaking over the floor mat, crying for the pleasure that’s been denied so easily.

“You learn fast,” Zed mutters and it sounds like a sick praise, but Shen eats it up nonetheless. Always ready to feed his ego. Always ready to be someone’s pride. 

He learns fast because this is what Zed wants and for a moment Shen likes to play with the idea of what would have happened with them if he had followed Zed before. If he hadn’t followed his destiny blindly and instead had looked at his side. If he had chosen differently.

If he had chosen Zed.

“Why don’t you just end me now?,” Shen croaks out, finding his voice betraying him with emotions. It shakes slightly, giving the impression of him being scared of his own demise when in reality he is scared of Zed’s true intentions. Of seeing the facade slip and leave the dark shadow of vengeance uncovered. “Why keep up this sick game? Haven’t you tortured me enough?”

Silence fills the room, thickening the air surrounding them. Shen starts to count the seconds, thinking the worst of it, when the pressure of Zed’s foot over his head vanishes and instead one of the shadow ninja’s hands grabs Shen’s hair and pulls up. He hisses, but the pain now sends different signals to his body. Or maybe it’s all because of Zed’s touch.

Zed wants to look him in the eye and Shen’s prideful spirit wants to. He could step up to the challenge. Show Zed that he’s not scared of what’s to come. He  _ could _ . But he won’t, because he’s scared of what he’ll see in those red eyes. Of emotions he cannot control. Of, maybe, the nothingness he has become for Zed. So instead he looks at a point over one of Zed’s shoulders. At the darkness behind him, where he belongs. Where Shen couldn’t and cannot follow.

“You know--,” Zed’s rough voice breaks the silence and Shen gaze flickers for a moment but he still doesn’t dare to look. There’s shame ebbed into his bones, the pieces of his pride still scattered around on the floor waiting for him to pick them up. “-- I never could see you as the brother Master Kusho wanted us to be”

Shen bites his lower lip and swallows the bile that threatens to crawl up his throat with those words. The world he knew, collapsing over his very eyes and he cannot discern what is a lie from the truth.

The cold metal of the armor on Zed’s foot caresses his swollen cock and Shen chokes with his own breath. Zed hums with amused interest, pressing his foot against the underside of Shen’s cock and pushing it towards the kinkou’s lower belly. Shen has to bites the inner side of his cheek as Zed starts a restless game of teasing him in such a degrading way, knowing there’s no much Shen can do to stop it or defend himself. Knowing he doesn’t want to do it either.

It’s a few moments later that Shen comes. Thick ropes of pearly white falling over the dojo’s mat and his own belly. Some of it falling over Zed’s armor, but the shadow ninja doesn’t look concerned with such a misstep on his plan.

Shen body trembles against his will as it finally experiences the pleasure that’s been building up for too long. His nerves on fire and his limbs threatening with letting him fall over the floor and his own mess. Shen forces himself to keep his ground and moves slightly forward, letting the handle of the sword slip out of him - Zed doesn’t stop him this time. The deafening silence of the room only broken with the clatter of the sword over the floor and Shen’s troubled breathing.

He feels empty in more ways than he can explain.

“For me--,” Zed mutters and, in an odd sign of softness, he cups Shen’s jaw with his free hand and leans down to press his lips over the new Eye of Twilight’s forehead. Shen closes his eyes almost by instinct, enjoying the warm pressure of a touch that’s been forbidden for so long and that he craved for even longer. “-- you were always more”

It’s barely a caress. A flimsy touch that vanishes soon with it’s creator, but strong enough to break down all of Shen’s defenses quickly and leave him there. 

Bare. 

Open.

Only surrounded by shadows, once again.

**Author's Note:**

> You can yell at me in the comments in whatever language you prefer, I swear I know how to use a translator.  
> Kudos and keysmashing are always welcome too.
> 
> Thank you all for reading!


End file.
